Six Keys To Shaping A Child's Will 

1.Define the boundaries before they are enforced.
   The most important step in any disciplinary procedure is to establish
   reasonable expectations and boundaries in advance. Children should know
   what is and what is not acceptable behavior before they are held responsible
   for those rules. This precondition will eliminate the overwhelming snese of
   injustice that youngsters feel when they are punished for their accidents,
   mistakes and blunders. If you haven't defined it-don't enforce it!

2.When defiantly challenged, respond with confident decisiveness.
   Once children understand what is expected ,they should be held accountable
   for behaving accordingly. That sounds easy, but as we have seen, most
   children will assault the authority of their elders. In a moment of rebel-
   lion, small children will consider their parents' wishes and defiantly
   choose to disobey.
      Like a military general before a battle, they will calculate the po-
   tential risk, marshal their forces and attack the enemy with guns blazing.
   When those nose-to-nose confrontations occur between generations, it is
   extremely important for the adult to win decisively and confidently. The
   shildren have made it clear that they're looking for a fight, and their
   parents would be wise not to disappoint them!

 3.Distinguish between willful defiance and childish irresponsibility.
   Children should not be spanked for behavior that is not willfully defiant.
   When they forget to feed the dog, make their beds of take out the trash-
   when they leave your tennis racket outside in the rain or lose their
   bicycles-remember that these behaviors are typical of childhood.

 4.Reassure and teach after the confrontation is over.
   After a time of conflict, during which the parent has demonstraded his or
   her right to lead, youngsters between 2 and 7 (or older) may want to be
   loved and reassured. By all means, open your arms and let them come!
       Hold them close and tell them of your love. Rock them gently and let
   them know, again, why they were punished and how they can avoid the
   trouble next time. This moment of communication builds love, fidelity and
   unity.

5.Avoid impossible demands.
   Be absolutely sure that your children aare capable of delivering what you
   require. Never punish them for wetting the bed involuntarily, for not
   becoming potty-trained by 18 months of age, or for doing poorly in school
   when they are incapable of greater academic success. These impossible
   demands put children in an unresolvable conflict: There is no way out.
   That condition brings inevitable damage to the human emotional apparatus.

 6.Let love be your guide!
   A relationship that is characterized by genuine love and affection is
   likely to be a healthy one, even though some parental mistakes and errors
   are inevitable.

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The above was taken from the September 1995 issue of "Focus On The Family
 Magazine", with Dr. James C. Dobson. This magazine is free. And you can
 order it from:
                  Focus on the Family
                  P.O. Box 35500
                  Colorado Springs, Co. 80935-3550
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